Episode 611: How to Deal with the Mental Load Part 1

Do you ever feel like you have to be the woman who does it all and are failing miserably? Join Kathi and her guest, Clutter Free Academy champion Tonya Kubo, as they discuss the concept of mental load and working that “third shift.” They’ll talk about:

• Why lack of available brain bandwidth is not the same as laziness
• The reason “I should” isn’t really helpful
• Dividing household responsibilities without resorting to outdated stereotypes

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The main discussion covers:

• Defining mental load as the cumulative effect of having too many competing responsibilities, expectations, and open “browser tabs” in your head.
• How mental load impacts daily life, relationships, and the feeling of always falling short.
• The impact of upbringing, societal expectations, and gender stereotypes on the invisible workload, especially for women.
• Personal stories of Kathi and Tonya about learning and unlearning patterns of responsibility in their marriages.
• How neurodiversity (like ADHD) and non-traditional marriage roles change the conversation about sharing mental load.
• Real-life strategies for re-negotiating division of responsibilities in the household, and examples of how small changes (like swapping housework tasks) can make a big difference.
• The importance of self-compassion and rejecting the “I should be able to do it all” mentality.

Stay tuned for Part 2 where Kathi and Tonya will tackle specific ways to start healthy conversations about responsibilities and strategies for insourcing/outsourcing help.